As a man there's a certain way that a women might look at you. She’s interested. You’ve just come into frame, a possibility. For what? Well, perhaps she’s thinking about the one, the one who might fulfil all expectations, fill the great void that yearns for that possibility.

It can be a real turn-off for the recipient, certainly this recipient. I also find it a bit insulting. The best parallel I could draw, one that would be easily understood by most women, is that it’s the equivalent of being pursued for sex, when a guy gets a woman in the frame with a purely sexual motive. This can make her feel like she’s being treated like an object for his gratification. Now that may be okay for some but many are insulted by it. They find it demeaning.

I feel the same way when a woman gets me in her frame. It feels like I’m not being engaged properly but only for what I might bring to her agenda. Whatever values, thoughts, feelings, aspirations and complexity I might have are only of secondary interest to her. I am already shut out. It has happened often. I suppose I found it flattering before, like it was an indication of attraction. But whether that was true or not for good relationship it’s a non-starter.