In terms of what makes for quality relationships, family ties are usually compromised from the start. The parent / child correspondence is by its nature lacking in any capacity for true mutuality.

On the one hand from the child’s perspective it is about dependency. If everything works out that dependency over time should atrophy and with it the soul of the relationship. Unless a new and more mature connection develops thereafter then the parent / child relationship becomes something of a hollow affair.

From the parent’s perspective the central aspect is a kind of biology-driven narcissism. The mother especially feels the child almost an extension of herself, her greatest treasure, her best and most precious gift to the world. It is less important who the child is or becomes. Most important is that it is hers. This is considered the measure of love. For the family man sentimentality is often as good as it gets.

It is possible (but uncommon) at a later stage in family relations for a new dynamic to evolve allowing for improved quality connections. Siblings have a better chance of achieving this though this too is hampered by their shared history, by the fact that the neurosis and emotional problems of the parents are usually inherited by the children and they are more likely to rekindle this in each other with any attempts at bonding. Even where in other aspects a person has been able to put the formative experience of family life behind them it will be brought back to life again when the group reassembles. Hence the widespread dread of Christmas reunions and such like.

So, here is yet another brief attempt on my part to forward the idea that far from being the panacea and means to a healthy emotional life the family environment is destined to be the opposite. It proves to be an excellent incubator for a host of psychological weaknesses. It acts as a harbour for the things that render us immature, neurotic, under-developed, belligerent and unreasonable. If emotional well-being is to be given high value, family life as the core unit of society needs to be seriously reconsidered.