Today I feel like a ghost. I reach out to touch something but can’t touch it. I can’t touch it because I’m not really there. I exist in some other plane and am only partial. I live in the half-life. I can’t make anything work. Can’t get the chain to react. Nothing happens but nothing again. Again and again.

I think it’s both a strength and a weakness subject to externals. A strength in that if circumstance is exceptional it propels me, if it delivers it is big-time. A weakness in that if it doesn’t I'm stuck, fucked, good for not much. The weakness is the strength, the strength is the weakness. They are bound in each other.

The half-life is the key. It’s the place I have to be. The alternative, the norm, the everyday existentialist pose, I’m incapable of now. Until the situation breaks that’s where I remain. It breaks or I die. Whichever's first.