My Identity Problem
My Identity Problem
Saturday, 15 May 2004
What is it I do in the world exactly? Well, although it sometimes feels like an affectation, I am an artist before anything else. I have to justify that though because recorded works in themselves (outside the conventions of performance) are not commonly understood to be art though I believe they are, as much as any activity can ever make that claim. I say this given that I start with a blank canvas, decide what I want to do, then go through a creative process, one which results in a work which people are able to engage with in the way they would any book, picture, poem, play, film etc.
In this sense, the thing I do is consistent with all the traditions of artistry and creative work. A film-maker for example pulls together a series of inputs required for a film. Some he may do himself. He may write, direct or perform as well as be responsible for the movie’s concept. The rest he brings in. In the same sense I am a music-maker. I pull together several aspects for a recording many of which I often do myself. These include, writing, arranging, performing, programming, engineering, producing, musical directing as well as coming up with the concept. The conclusion is a piece of recorded work hopefully one that’s meaningful and relevant such that people will want to engage with it.
One of the problems I have is to do with identity. What I have just outlined here is not generally appreciated. When people see the activity around what I do they immediately assume ‘techie’. They see me as someone technologically oriented, inclined to gadgets or soldering bolts. They imagine my job is to capture the performance of artists whether they be writers or performers or whatever. Technical is one side of a divide, artistry is the other. I may have been responsible for all these complex elements described here in any given work right down to the last detail but they will still see me as the technical guy having more in common with an oily rag than anything imaginative.
Many records conform to what I am saying here. They are created by artists whose skills as music-makers are like mine. These records may appear to be the work of the face on the album cover with a bunch of musicians sitting round, and sometimes that is the case too, but just as often there are people like me in the shadows. Curiously when that is exposed it is criticised as being inauthentic somehow, that the work is lesser as a consequence, manufactured, not real. This is almost as stupid as feeling cheated when a character in a film turns out to be an actor playing a part.
Maybe in time it will come to be understood that the music studio contains instruments, at the very least tools, and not just pieces of technology operated and maintained by technicians. The piano was once technology and not considered a real instrument. Eventually it was allowed in. So with today’s mixing desks and computers. Until then this remains another part of the problem for the likes of me, a problem of identity, one that contributes to my being just that little bit more exiled in the world.
