I’d say that my primary value is relationship. Then, immediately in service to it is independence. The two are complimentary. It is emotionally independent individuals who can sincerely participate in true relationship. They enter relationship less from neediness.

True relationship is defined by mutuality. This means having a healthy identification with the other person. It means having a genuine understanding of the other less contingent on the fulfilling of ones own needs. The core attribute is reciprocity. One connects with the other always in an appropriate way. If that means sacrifice then that is the order. Then the relationship can be greater than the sum of its parts. It stands almost as an entity in itself, created by people who are happily in service to it, an entity that makes its way in the world as such and thereby contributes positively towards it.

I would say this is as close as I get to a philosophy of life. I think that if this was the central lesson to be learnt about how to live, if all of morality, teachings and education, all the systems of society and personal aspirations were geared in this direction such that it had a bearing across all relationships and associations whether intimate, professional, or social, I believe if that were the case then we would have succeeded in solving many of the problems of human life. This is not to say it would be the end of all problems, just the end of the additional ones created by people as they are. With a humanity united in its commitment to itself then all the other struggles would be so much easier to address.

I don’t think such a philosophy is too tall an order. The first step is an upgrading of a system of values so that a relational ethic can have its place and work its way toward prime position. That in itself doesn’t seem impossible. If that is possible then a better world would follow as a consequence. For what it’s worth, that’s what I think.