I have the notion of there being an ascendency from lower to higher in relationships.

The lower forms are well exemplified in connections made with animals as pets. This is a kind of ‘being there’ bonding which seems to fulfil an innate need. Sexual union would be another example. In general we feel better when this need is taken care of. It is less important who the connection is with. It needs just to be there. I suspect that the experience most have of bonding never gets much beyond this basic biological level.

At the upper end are the intellectual and spiritual connections which have more to do with shared values and mutuality. Here there is a more complex understanding involving outlook, attitudes, religious or philosophical belief, or principles that are held in common. This kind of bond is more difficult to fashion. It is certainly more difficult if not impossible to find ‘ready-made’.

In the middle is typical, everyday social bonding which contains facets of the other two. It has to do with shared experience where some kind of practice or participation is engaged in. This might be work, or play, or sport; it might be something that requires commitment; it might be about doing jobs or facing challenges. It probably leans to the ‘being there’ type of bonding as it is likely to entail physical activity but it is more than that too as there is an understanding of means to some common end. It need not enter the spiritual realm of mutuality to conform to its purpose.

The lower function is the easiest to achieve. The middle one harder, as it requires some social status and people skills. Hardest and rarest of all is the spiritual relationship as it needs to endure over time.

Simply, what I’m saying is that there is a hierarchy of relationship quality. A spiritual bonding is better than a biological one. Social affiliations are superior to blood ties.

It can of course be pointed out that these varying types of association are merely different aspects of the same thing and that each feeds into the other; that no relationship is all one or the other but a complex mix of all. Still I suggest that the mix is usually uneven. It would be rare to find the three in healthy balance, but when they are, that’s when relationship is at its best.