I've had an above average sex drive. I mean by that, that the degree to which the prospect of sex would be something that fired my impetus was virtually constant. Of course it's hardly unusual for the minds of young men to be pervaded by thoughts of sex. It is however a matter of degree just to what extent a man will go in order to live out the sexual imperative. It was in this sense that my drive was above average.

It might have been partly about being a person ill at ease, virtually never in the moment and uncomfortable in my skin. With that, sex and the pursuit of it was one of the few indulgences where I could be right in the moment. Again it's probably true for many that they can be centred by sex, but for me it was just about the only time I was.

Of course the problems of chasing sex without any commitment to what follows from it and thus meeting its attendant agenda would constantly throw up all sorts of other issues. These issues themselves over time would become endemic. The damage done through these sometimes tortured encounters would eventually make me wary of sex and actually be a strong disincentive. I was then left with a difficult conflict: the impulse for sex, though ever so slightly diminished with age, still strong but now partnered with an equally powerful resistance.

Now, the only thing in life which brought me to the moment has gone, rendering me an even more scattered person, my mind everywhere in the abstract but rarely in the present. It is hard to imagine it ever being anything other from here on in.

A shag, anyone?