If there was a single piece of wisdom I had to impart on the world before leaving it, it would take the form of an imperative. I would say this: feed your relationships.

There is nothing but nothing in the human enterprise not defined by relationships. Whether sexual, social, spiritual or whatever else, it is the relationship dynamic that determines the experience. People are generally ignorant when it comes to this simple truth. Most tend to conduct all manner of relationships with a dumb kind of self-interest. They will likely try to extract from a situation, either blatantly or furtively, what they need. If they can do this by giving back the minimum all the better. That unenlightened method has been the source of so much trouble throughout history.

You should feed your relationships in any way you can manage. In an initiative try and get a sense of what the other person needs and make an effort to provide it. Don’t do some empty ritualistic thing that has no bearing but some relevant contribution that matters. It probably won’t cost you that much but the receiver is almost certain to be gratified. More often than not the results will be tangible and positive.

One reason people don’t do this more is fear of being ripped off. They hate the thought that they might give without getting. Of course that is going to happen but the aggregate effect of staying true to this imperative is that so much more is gained than is lost.

Advocating this is nothing new. The idea has been around in its myriad forms in religious and social philosophies down the ages. There has been no shortage of attempts to get humans to behave in a more morally elevated way. I doubt there is much benefit gained from erecting entire political or religious edifices designed for the enforcement of morality. It is something that needs to be understood by the individual. Its importance needs to be felt and a tacit agreement made that this is quite simply what people should do. It is as fundamental to the spirit as eating and sleeping is to the body.

This is my central insight and although I don’t live by it any longer I will forever hold to it.