I notice there are many who don’t get that they are engaged by others for what they deliver. There will be something you have, something you do, something you are, which others want or need. Everybody needs something and you are there to provide it.

It’s not a readily acceptable thought because it goes against the standard mythology. It appears to conflict with the moral norms - that it’s all about caring - and is reinforced by centuries of Christian belief alongside notions of romantic love. Together they result in an overwhelming dogma that paints a pretty false picture of human nature I’d say.

Even when experience confirms the narrowness of self-interest it is still not an easy reality to work with. The narrative, other than from the mouths of the fucked-up and cynical, doesn’t allow for it. A dissonance takes hold in the mind. Actions go one way while talk goes another.

The optimum attitude would be to realise that you are essentially a provider and for that to be okay. It’s really not a bad job to have. It can have as much and more a moral tone as does the whole love agenda. In loving someone you are supposed to be looking out for them but of course that is often not the way of it. Lovers are selfish. What they are in love with is the feelings they are having. They are less concerned with the feelings of the other so taken are they by their own emotion.

So I say embrace your self interest and that of those around you and be fine with it. Cater to the needs of others. Understand what they want. Appreciate that you are there firstly as a provider and not for your own ends. With such an understanding selfishness can be made to work for the common good. The two become fused and are not confused like they tend to be ordinarily.